Never Let Your Dream of Real Love Die
I'm not too fond of amusement rides but judging from my love life, it was nothing short of a rollercoaster. I'm not sure when the innocence of hearts drawn around the name of our crushes on college ruled paper turned into a scorned woman sending angry texts messages with tears of betrayal falling from her eyes but that was me. It's funny though because I never let a single experience make me bitter or hard. To me, losing faith in love was like losing faith in God. After all, God is love. Settling wasn't an option and I certainly wasn't going to do the searching so I thought it would be clever to approach every potential boyfriend with no expectations. They say that without expectations, you won't have to worry about any disappointments and they're right. Instead, it magnifies the regret you feel for not setting any standards to begin with, resulting in wasted time that you can never get back.
I've had soul ties that felt like barbed wire tearing through my flesh when certain individuals walked away, so much for the "no strings attached" agreement. Try convincing a void, an ever-gaping hole in your heart, that it was only temporary. It was just for fun. There's also the classic, fall head over heels for the potential you see in him that he doesn't see in himself and lose energy and effort trying to evoke a change that will never come in the short chapter of his book of immature escapades you were "privileged" to exist in. I can't say that I would want to relive the pain of my young and reckless teenage days or hit rewind on the wild and beautiful nights of college life but I learned some valuable lessons. I was taught things you'll never be able to understand from watching romantic movies on Netflix or listening to friends chat about over cocktails. There wasn't much of a difference between the bad boy I thought I wanted in high school to the selfish degreed men I met with successful careers. They were both missing an open invitation. I believe love requires at least that much.
Love is too perfect, too pure, too gentle and kind to bother with forcing itself in a place it isn't wanted. That leads me to the wall that I built with cracked bricks. After strengthening my relationship with God, I decided that nothing or no one would ever hurt me again so I built a wall. I'm almost sure that the bricks I chose were solid and sturdy until love crept in through the cracks of each one. You can't keep life from happening and love doesn't need a big opening. Everything I encountered on this journey of love pushed me to grow confident in in substance, whisked me down paths that pointed me in the direction of a partner who would accept me for me and who would create a place where we both felt safe to be vulnerable. Because I fought to survive the aching that caused my chest to tighten from rumors swirling of another cheater's episode, I was propelled into the arms of my now and forever. Now I'm sitting here thankful for the misery that molded me. Who knew that he would be my shelter from all the debris flying due to another unexpected disaster? How did a childhood memory erase my history and become my hope for the future? I stopped choosing and now I've been chosen. If you've ever felt real love, you won't forget it and when I finally looked into his eyes, I remembered. Never let your dream of finding true love die.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Jasmine was born and raised in Dallas, TX. She is currently a Licensed Childcare Administrator at The Family Place, a safe campus for victims of domestic violence. Supervising the Childcare Development Center has allowed her to serve the needs of small children and their mothers as they navigate their way through a traumatic milestone in their lives. She hopes to have her own mentoring program and a successful writing career in the near future. You can follow her on Instagram @xo_glamandgrace_xo and Facebook.